The Current State of Cuffing Season
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S1 E3

The Current State of Cuffing Season

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00:05
Julia
Welcome back to that's what they Said, an educationally conversational podcast where we address all the things that aren't in the college brochure.

00:13
Kieran
Episode three.

00:15
Julia
Let's go.

00:17
Kieran
We've gotten to the point of the night when filming where we're just here, and whatever happens.

00:22
Julia
We're here for a nice chat. Okay.

00:25
Kieran
Yeah. Let's connect.

00:25
Julia
We're being. Let us connect.

00:28
Kieran
Let us connect.

00:29
Julia
Us connect.

00:30
Kieran
This week's episode is cuffing season in state fair.

00:33
Julia
Guys, I'm so lit for this. I, like, texted Kieran a couple days ago. I was like, we have to talk about cuffing season. It's cuffing season. They're like, we have to chill there. We have to. We have to. Please, please. And I just, like, feel like it's such a thing that is on everyone's. Maybe. Maybe I'm just, as one would say, as you could say down bad. But I feel like cuffing season is on everyone's brain.

00:52
Kieran
Yeah. Especially at, like, this time of year. I feel like everybody. Like these holidays that are coming up, Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it's like the pajamas and the.

00:59
Julia
Boo, bro. The couple's costume. Well, that's like, I don't need to think about. That's the first, like. That's the first, like, when. When Halloween gets on your mind, you're like, oh, what am I doing? And then you look on Pinterest and you see 8,000 couple costume ideas, and you're like, oh, so that's actually not gonna be me, because. Right. I am not a couple. No, I'm not.

01:17
Kieran
I am not. And I would like to be. So if anybody's.

01:20
Julia
Hey, if anybody's looking for a couple costumes, we love a costume. We love a costume. Okay. We'd like to start off with High Low Buffalo. I want this to be something we do every episode, but thus far, we have not done it because we have lots of other things to talk about. Because we talk a lot. So you're informed.

01:36
Kieran
Yeah.

01:36
Julia
High Low Buffalo of the week or. Well, since I last saw you. And I don't mean today. I mean since Ireland.

01:43
Kieran
Okay, okay. Let me think. My. Should I go in order or does it.

01:50
Julia
I don't care.

01:51
Kieran
So my low. I'm going to kind of go in order. My low is that this week I have two exams, and my exam tomorrow is my microeconomics exam. The one that's in the engineering building. Because I am an engineer.

02:03
Julia
Right. Electrical.

02:04
Kieran
Right. You know this. I have an exam tomorrow that I'm a Little nervous for. Okay. I, like, feel confident, but, like, not enough because I haven't taken the exam yet. So we'll just see how that all figures out for me. My buffalo is that I got some candy from Ireland that I'm super excited to try.

02:27
Julia
Okay.

02:28
Kieran
I got, like, this pack of, like, just a mixture of, like, gummies and, like, candies and stuff.

02:32
Julia
Gummies.

02:33
Kieran
Gummies. Do you remember the Gummy bear music video where it's like, oh, I'm a gummy bear.

02:39
Julia
Oh. The, like, peak humor at that time was when everybody's like, oh, let's make a shared playlist. Because we're, like, going on, like, a trip, like a. Like a youth trip. And then somebody puts that song on there, and it comes on.

02:50
Kieran
You're like, okay, Gummy.

02:53
Julia
You would know all the words.

02:55
Kieran
All right. Well, it's because we used to listen to it in my, like, second grade class as a reward. It tastes like a reward me when.

03:02
Julia
I get enough dojo points to listen to the gummy bear song.

03:06
Kieran
It was crazy. Every time we would clean up, she's like, you guys can listen to Gummy Bear if you, like, do well. So I know that's a little too much, but anyhow, that is my buffalo, my high yesterday. This is, like, a load of high, deep breath. I came back to, like, a freshly made bed because my roommate had, like, washed my sheets for me and made my bed because they accidentally fell asleep in it and they felt bad. But anyways, so I came back to a freshly made bed last night, and I slept so well.

03:41
Julia
Well, good was. That was a good part.

03:43
Kieran
And I'm, like, excited to be back.

03:46
Julia
Yeah. Get back into the routine.

03:48
Kieran
In the groove.

03:49
Julia
Yeah.

03:50
Kieran
What's yours?

03:53
Julia
I, like, knew were doing this, and I didn't even think about what were gonna. What I was gonna say. But I think my high. I had one today. My Islam class. I'm religious studies is one of my minors, so I'm taking a class on Islam was really good today. We talked about some things. It was kind of hard things for me to hear, but I think it's interesting to. It's like we finally got into something in the class, and I'm like, I don't think that. That. That I agree with that.

04:28
Kieran
Yeah.

04:29
Julia
Which I feel like you have to come to in a religious studies class. And fun fact about me, I am religious. But I feel like if you listen to the last episode, you can tell that I am Christian. I am Christian. But. But, like, in, like, in this Islam class, like, Most of my classmates are Muslim, so I'm, like, hearing their perspectives on things. And I love. I love learning about religious traditions and stuff. And so I like. And I. Everything else, I've been like, oh, I'm rocking with this. But then we got today and.

04:57
Kieran
I was like, ooh, I don't know.

04:59
Julia
If I do rock with this, but still, I'm having a great time having this conversation because it. It's. It's meant to be a lecture class, but it's turned into a seminar because talk so much. Like, because I. I want to know. Yeah, I want to know everything. And it's just fascinating to me. Like, this class is what has inspired me to take Arabic as my language and to add another minor in Middle east studies, because I just think it's fascinating.

05:23
Kieran
Anyway, yeah.

05:25
Julia
That. It was a good class. We're talking about, like, feminism and its intersection with, like, scripture and stuff.

05:29
Kieran
It's something I could literally talk about for hours. It's just like, right. Culture on the whole, and, like, the way the, like, people form beliefs and ideas, it's just. It's really interesting. And it's just something that, like, I'll never be able to understand on, like, a tangible level. Like, I can never grasp the concept of, like, how different ideas were formed and believe and then since shaped our society because of it.

05:49
Julia
Yep.

05:50
Kieran
It's just. It's really interesting and it's. It's hard, but it's real and it's true. And it's. I don't know, it's just. It's. There's so many layers to it.

05:58
Julia
And at the end of the day, it's. And that's what I have to say. I.

06:01
Kieran
At the end of the day.

06:02
Julia
And at the end of the day, one of the main things in that class that, like, I think is so. Is, like, so important when you're talking about religion. Sorry, I'm just a nerd about this. But we talked about, like, a lot of people view a lot of religions like, oh, this is oppressive, or, like, this is patriarchal, whatever. But if you're looking at, like, pre Islamic Arabia, it was already a patriarchy, sister. There was already a patriarchy there. Islam was born into a world that was already ruined by patriarchy. So that is not inherent to the religion. It's not inherent in the scripture of the Quran. Or, like, if you read the Hadith, it's not. It's patriarchal because that was the culture at the time, like, the byproduct of it. Right. Like, let's take into. Into consideration the context of what. Of what?

06:51
Julia
Of the world that they were living.

06:53
Kieran
In, what they were formed by.

06:54
Julia
You know, I just think that's so interesting. I love learning about it. Anyway, so you're high. So I was actually high in the class. No, I'm just. I was high on the academics of it that I. Look, I was so locked in. It was so fun. Okay. My low. Let me cook with this. Oh. I woke up today, and I was cramping so bad I couldn't walk. And I couldn't make it to my dance class this morning. And I said, well, this is depressing. This is depressing because we're learning waltz this week, and waltz is, like, my favorite thing ever. Like, I don't need to learn how to do it because I already how to do it, but, like, it's. It's, like, one of my most favorite things to do ever. So I was sad about that. My buffalo is that.

07:39
Julia
Oh, I mentioned how I'm getting a tattoo over fall break, which this episode will come out after fall break and after I've gotten the tattoo. So stay tuned. Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll love it. I hope I love it because it's a tattoo, right? But I've been doing some, like, looking on Pinterest of, like, oh, what's my, like, inspo. Because I'm not getting, like, a full on. Like, I found this picture on Pinterest, and I want it on my body, like, because it's inspiration, right? I need inspiration. But I'm getting a mermaid, and I feel like when I look up. If you just type in mermaid tattoos, you're getting a whole lot of, like, sexualized women.

08:10
Kieran
Oh, like the topless.

08:13
Julia
Topless. You can see a lot of things that.

08:16
Kieran
Right?

08:17
Julia
I would not like to be inked. Inked onto my skin forever and ever. Because when I say, like, oh, I want a mermaid, it's in the sense that I wanted to match my other tattoos. Like, I wanted to be a nature thing.

08:29
Kieran
Like, yeah, it's like more like a fear. Not, like, ethereal, but, like a genuine and, like, raw.

08:35
Julia
Yeah, like. Like she's a creature of the water. Like, she, like, you know, like, she's not in my mind. A mermaid is not a sexualized being that, like, is just a beautiful creature in the water. Like, a mermaid is, like, that's like, hey, guys, they're not real.

08:51
Kieran
So even mermaid. Like, let me tell you something about what they are. I met with the mermaids.

08:56
Julia
We chatted we chatted. Yeah.

08:57
Kieran
We debriefed.

08:58
Julia
And what she is one with nature. She, like, is like a caretaker of the ocean, like a steward, if you will, of the sea animals. And that's what I, like. That's the ideal for myself. Like, if I could be anything, I would be a mermaid. So that's why I get the tattoos that I get. I'm getting a whole piece of sea animals swimming up my, like, hip to my back, which I'm so excited about.

09:24
Kieran
It's really good.

09:25
Julia
It's. It's really good. I feel like if you saw me walking down the street, you would not be like, oh, she's got tattoos. Like, because you can't see them. Like, obviously, because they're on my hip, in my back. But, like, me, when. Me, when. But, like, it, like, I have found getting tattoos to be so empowering to me, and I. I don't know if that's because I'm, like, taking, like, this is like, a form, like, taking control of my body in a way that.

09:48
Kieran
Like, but it's like an expression of who you are.

09:50
Julia
Right. And it's so. It's, like, so special to me. I didn't think that it would be, but I like it is. And I love my tattoos so much, and they're, like, they mean something to me. Like.

09:58
Kieran
Yeah.

09:59
Julia
But also, I recognize the value in getting a tattoo that means nothing. Like, it's, like, a cute little thing. Well, I recognize that value too, but anyway, so that's my. What was that? Was that my buffalo?

10:09
Kieran
Yeah.

10:09
Julia
Yeah. So stay tuned on tattoo. I'll let you know how it goes.

10:13
Kieran
I'm excited.

10:14
Julia
Okay. I. We're talking about cuffing season. I'm so. I'm genuinely, like, so excited about this. I, I, I need to talk about this, and I need to hear everyone else's thoughts on this. So please start us off. Send us a dm. Send us a DM.

10:27
Kieran
On the Instagram.

10:29
Julia
On the Instagram. You know that's right.

10:32
Kieran
You know that's right.

10:34
Julia
Okay, first bullet point on the list. Just thoughts and feelings about it on the whole, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings on cuffing season.

10:41
Kieran
On cuffing season.

10:42
Julia
Yep.

10:43
Kieran
You know, I come from a dark past.

10:45
Julia
Real.

10:46
Kieran
Haven't been cuffed in a long time.

10:48
Julia
The season's been there. The cuffing is not.

10:50
Kieran
Yeah, season for sure. It is coming past. You know, I think cuffing season can be really depressing.

10:57
Julia
I agree. I second that. I don't know.

11:02
Kieran
I think I've come to a point in my Life. I say this like, I'm wise and old. I've come to a point in my life that I'm like, I've just accepted the fact that if it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

11:12
Julia
It happens when you least expect it. That's what. That's what they always be saying, bro. Yeah, but I want it happening. Expecting it to happen.

11:17
Kieran
To, like, tell myself that I'm not expecting it.

11:19
Julia
I'm not expecting it. I'm not expecting it. I'm looking for it everywhere. I'm not expecting it. I'm not expecting.

11:22
Kieran
Never thinking of it.

11:23
Julia
I've never heard of, like, what are you talking about? I'm never gonna, like, be cuffed. What are you talking about?

11:27
Kieran
Oh, I'm a free spirit.

11:28
Julia
Right.

11:29
Kieran
But, yeah, I've just come to a point. I think last year it was hard because it was the first time that it was like, I go to a school of 40, 000 people. I'm gonna meet all these people, and everyone's gonna want me, and it's just gonna be crazy.

11:38
Julia
And they're all your age, so it's like, oh, obviously somebody's gonna want me. Right?

11:41
Kieran
And then there was not a single prospect the whole year. And I said, oh, right?

11:44
Julia
I said, oh, okay, we passed. We passed cuffing season, and we're like, okay, now we're into, like, the seasonal depression era, and then we get to Valentine's Day, and it's still, like, no prospects. And it's like, so maybe we have a problem. And then everybody's going on spring break trips with the love of their life, and you're like, so this is really interesting.

11:59
Kieran
And then there's Hot Girl Summer, which I also did not have, but I. I did.

12:04
Julia
I did have that. So when it's time to talk about that, I'm here.

12:07
Kieran
We'll talk. Yeah, it was really hard because I think, like, also my friends, like, a lot of my friends, if not all of them were like, either or are currently in relationships and were at the time, or they're, like, seeing people.

12:21
Julia
Yeah.

12:22
Kieran
So they were, like, constantly talking about, oh, there's this guy or there's this girl. And, like, I'm talking to this person. I just saw this person. Oh, we're gonna go out. We're gonna go on a date. And, like, obviously it would evolve into more. They would start relationships. And I was like, oh, well, I'm gonna sit in my dorm and do homework this weekend.

12:35
Julia
Duh.

12:36
Kieran
Yeah, I'm gonna go to work. For 24 hours this weekend.

12:40
Julia
Like, yeah.

12:40
Kieran
I would pull two 12 hour shifts back to back. Because I could. Because I did.

12:44
Julia
Because you don't have anybody.

12:45
Kieran
I don't have anyone to hang out with.

12:46
Julia
Like, I don't.

12:47
Kieran
You know, obviously now I have more friends and, like, it doesn't matter. Like, I've cuffed myself platonically to so many people.

12:55
Julia
Yeah.

12:57
Kieran
But I think just realizing that, like, if it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. And just because it's not happening doesn't mean it won't.

13:05
Julia
Yes.

13:06
Kieran
You know, I like that. And that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

13:10
Julia
I mean, I repeat that over and over. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it'll happen. It'll happen, it'll happen.

13:14
Kieran
You know?

13:14
Julia
Yeah.

13:16
Kieran
What's your thoughts?

13:17
Julia
I. Okay. Personally, as soon as there's a chill in the air, as soon as I walk outside of my room and there's a chill in the air, I say, oh, I need to be committed to someone.

13:32
Kieran
Right?

13:33
Julia
Yes, of course I need to be committed to someone. I need to right now be carving pumpkins with someone. Yes.

13:40
Kieran
I need to be drinking apple cider. I need a donut in my hand and a scarf around my neck.

13:45
Julia
And something that I don't do is wear matching outfits with people.

13:47
Kieran
Oh, no, I don't do that.

13:48
Julia
But something about a chill in the air has got me thinking, hey, maybe I could do a little matching pajama. Maybe I could do it.

13:55
Kieran
Your muumuu.

13:56
Julia
Me? When Kieran brought me back a muumuu from Ireland. A pink muumuu from Ireland.

14:05
Kieran
Yeah, I saw it and I said.

14:07
Julia
Julia, and it's true. And, hey, I'll be wearing it tonight.

14:11
Kieran
Give me a review.

14:12
Julia
Let me know how long. Oh, I'll be sending a picture. Oh, I can't wait.

14:15
Kieran
When I get pictures from people, it's my. You're. What?

14:18
Julia
I said, I can't wait.

14:19
Kieran
Oh, I just heard, like, I don't know. I was like, real at that point.

14:25
Julia
Yeah.

14:27
Kieran
Oh, my God. No, but I love when my friends send me photos. They're like, the other day my friend was like, I'm at work and then sent me a photo. Yes, you are.

14:36
Julia
Good job. Or like, I love that.

14:40
Kieran
Earlier, like, Julia sent me a picture of her waiting to go in for a check in, and I was like, I just.

14:46
Julia
I love it. Like, I love it. It's like a little. I love it too.

14:50
Kieran
I agree. Oh, my battery is running low.

14:54
Julia
That's why I plugged Mine in. I would like to talk about my thoughts and feelings on cuffing season in the context of, like, this podcast. And like, this podcast is for specifically freshmen or people who are new to campus or just hashtag relatable, hashtag, hey, I've been through it, sister. So I'm trying to be with you here. Yeah, I think long hashtag, hey, sister. I'm walking with you through the hashtag, sister. I've been there. I really want to be with you on this. Let me, let me help you out. Let be your therapist.

15:25
Kieran
Three paragraphs.

15:26
Julia
Yeah, yeah. So when I feel like when you're a freshman and you get to campus, like you said, you're like, oh, there are 40,000 people here. They're all going to be in the vicinity of.

15:37
Kieran
This is going to go great.

15:38
Julia
Statistically, I have a great chance. There are so many fish in the sea right now, and I'm going to find the one here. I just know it. I just know I'm going to find the one on campus.

15:48
Kieran
And somehow I was a one fish wonder. Like, how is it just me? I know, empty. It's just like ugly duckling.

15:57
Julia
But like, I feel like, okay, the main theme of, like being in college is comparing yourself to other people, I feel, which is like, the what? The one myth that I'm like, we must debunk is that everybody's going through it, sister. Like, everybody's going through the same thing. So, like, when you're like, ooh, everybody has met the love of their life. We're on week two of college. You're already in a long term, two week relationship with someone. Wow. That's commitment, right? That is commitment.

16:23
Kieran
Well, and we're getting to the point now where people are getting married.

16:25
Julia
Oh, and that I have a friend.

16:28
Kieran
Whose roommate just got married this past weekend and they're like our age. And I was like, lord.

16:32
Julia
Oh, it makes your chest a little tight, doesn't it? It, it's feeling like there's a little timeline on there and I, I wasn't really aware of that one till now.

16:40
Kieran
Oh.

16:41
Julia
But yeah, so like, there's like always like kind of a feeling of like, I'm like, behind. I need to find, like, I need to find someone, but it's not happening. Or like all these people are like, finding people. So you have those people that are like, within two weeks they found someone. And then you have the people that are like, oh, I just broke up with my significant other from high school or from, you know, my hometown. And I'm going to all these parties. I'm. I'm, you know, seeing all these different people. This is like the time of my life. Like, I'm. This is like what it means to be young.

17:09
Kieran
I'm in college. I'm like getting the college experience.

17:12
Julia
Right. And at the end of the day, the common denominators there. There is that they've got somebody. Maybe it's multiple people, but they've got somebody.

17:19
Kieran
A body of sort.

17:20
Julia
I know. That's right. So it feels like everybody else has it figured out they've got someone. And like everybody else is in their matching pajamas, carving their pumpkin, drinking their apple cider, and I am holed up in my dorm at 9pm on a Saturday night, going to bed. Now, what's that about?

17:41
Kieran
Tis the season is the season.

17:43
Julia
I know. That's right.

17:44
Kieran
No, it was really hard for me. Like, I didn't necessarily have a crash out, but I really had a moment, like, with myself a few weeks ago, like a month ago or something.

17:53
Julia
Yesterday.

17:53
Kieran
Yeah.

17:56
Julia
Live on the pod.

17:56
Kieran
Yeah. I break down right now.

17:59
Julia
I, like, had.

18:00
Kieran
Sorry. My mic is like, actually so close to my face.

18:03
Julia
We're still figuring out the sound. So, like, if. If it sounds like we're moving around.

18:06
Kieran
The mic, it's because we are.

18:07
Julia
Yeah.

18:10
Kieran
I had a moment where I saw where, like, a moment where I. I like. And so I had a moment, like, with myself because I, like, had a couple of, like, just bad experiences within cuffing season and kind of like back to back. And I was like, I'm gonna be alone. Like, nobody, like, wants me. Like, it's me. Like, it has to be me. Like, yeah, I'm gonna be alone forever. Like, I'm going to be the single wine aunt. Like, I was lowkey.

18:36
Julia
I could rock with that.

18:37
Kieran
Which I could also pull off that aesthetic. Yeah, I was like, you know, like, it was just. I was really sitting with it because it was like, I just feel like everyone's talking to people and like, I'm not on dating apps, which is this whole other thing.

18:48
Julia
This is an ongoing conversation. We have a lot. But. But hey, I'd like to say, everyone, I have deleted my dating apps. Wow. I. Oh, I forgot. I didn't tell you that. I did not know this. Things have changed since you have come back from Ireland.

19:01
Kieran
Wow.

19:02
Julia
It's been a week. I've deleted the apps.

19:03
Kieran
Oh, wow.

19:04
Julia
I'm done, really, for the moment.

19:07
Kieran
Okay. Now, like, I don't have dating apps or anything like that. Like, my belief is that, like, I Want to meet someone in person right now, just because you go to such a big school. But it was just, it was all just kind of like crashing and burning at the same, like everything was just hitting me at once. And again, like, it all kind of hit me that it's like I can't control if people don't want me like that, you know, like, if I don't, if people don't want to cuff me.

19:30
Julia
To use the, Put a ring on it.

19:32
Kieran
Yeah, ring by spring.

19:33
Julia
I know that's right.

19:34
Kieran
No, thank you. But, like, if people don't want that, then that's fine. I can't control what they don't want. You know, like, I can put myself out there and I'll talk to people and like, obviously there's people I'm interested in and whatnot. And, like, I can be interested all I want, but if they're not interested back. Like, and that's something that took me a very long time to figure out that, like, just because they don't want me doesn't mean that I'm not wantable.

19:56
Julia
I, I, I have a caveat to that. I think, I think it's easy as someone who is seeking a relationship. Hey, me too. To be, to be like, oh, they don't want me. I'm not good enough. They don't want me. Because of this, because of that. I said something wrong. We just, like, our personalities don't lie. They just don't want me. But if you really think about it as, like, if you're thinking about yourself, there are so many things that can affect if you're ready to be in a relationship, first of all, if you're ready to be in a relationship first off. And then do you have time? Yeah, because a recent blunder I made is that I was trying out, like, you know, dating someone and it wasn't working because I'm busy. I'm very busy.

20:40
Julia
And if, like, you don't, like, if you are interested in things I'm interested in or, like, we're not in classes together, like, we're not in clubs together, you don't go to my church, then I'm not going to see you. I don't have time.

20:51
Kieran
Yeah, you don't have time to create the common denominator.

20:54
Julia
So, so if you're, if someone is not ready to be in a relationship, like, emotionally, whatever, if they're too busy, if, like, I don't know, it's just, I feel like genuinely, it's just a timing thing. Like somebody might be into you or there is the potential of like, oh, we're friends. Like this could turn into something. But now's not the time. Yeah, now is not the time. Hardest part, it is it like, especially like now we're adults and like a relationship now is a serious thing.

21:22
Kieran
Yeah.

21:22
Julia
And there are it there. It like takes work and they're important things to think about. Like communication is everything. And I think when you're in college, there are some people that are good at communicating and there are some people that are bad at communicating.

21:36
Kieran
And there's no in between.

21:37
Julia
And there is no in between. And there are people that you're like, oh, we're in college. You're going to be mature because you're an adult. If. Okay, something about me is I tend to date people that are older than me and Right. And you would think if you're dating someone older than you, that would kind of mean that they're going to be more mature than you. It's not true.

21:57
Kieran
Most of the time. It's not even the same level as you.

22:00
Julia
And in my opinion, if we're talking about, hey, sorry to say it, if we're talking about men, even if they're older than you, there's a grand chance that they're not going to be mature. And that's okay. It's just a timing thing. We're not ready. It's fine. But like, I think it just, it's just good to be aware that like what you think about someone like going into like a relationship or like you like, you know, like the thing of like you're falling in love with the idea of them and not with them.

22:28
Kieran
Yes, I was.

22:29
Julia
Dude. That all the time, I do that all the time to myself because something about me, I'm gonna be daydreaming. I'm gonna be imagining a little something. And what I'm imagining is a whole different personality.

22:41
Kieran
Yeah.

22:42
Julia
And Right. And then, and then when you actually like, oh, you're like talking to someone you like, been one day and you're like, wow, like we get along great. Like, this is perfect. Like we're gonna get married and then forever. Right. And then you go on a second date with them and they don't match with what you've come up with in your head, you've kind of sabotaged yourself.

22:56
Kieran
Because you've over committed to something that you weren't even ready.

22:59
Julia
Right. Because first place. Right. Because their personality, they might be great. They, they have might have a beautiful soul. But if they don't align with what you've come up with in your head, then you're like, oh, this all of a sudden.

23:09
Kieran
They're like super underwhelming and haven't met any expectations. But their expectations that you set before they even knew there was a bar they needed to meet.

23:15
Julia
Right. Me, when I'm the problem, bro, me.

23:19
Kieran
You realize by the end of this, it's me.

23:20
Julia
It's me. No, I'm the problem.

23:22
Kieran
Okay.

23:23
Julia
And that's another thing. Not that we're talking about this. I feel like I'm talking a lot, but I. This is something I'm very passionate about.

23:26
Kieran
No, please.

23:27
Julia
Is. I think it's easy to. When you're first starting to date, like as an adult, it's easy to start off by being like everyone else is the problem. Like all these, like if you're dating majority of men, it's like easy to be like men. Like, I hate men. Like, they're so immature, like. No.

23:45
Kieran
I've heard that by people so many times are like, it's just this generation.

23:48
Julia
It's just a generation.

23:49
Kieran
I hate men.

23:50
Julia
But like, hey, maybe you should hate.

23:52
Kieran
Yourself a little bit.

23:53
Julia
Well.

23:55
Kieran
On your behaviors.

23:56
Julia
Okay. Okay. Yes. That's. I resonate with that. Like, let's look inward because I at my dating journey has brought me to the place of like, oh, I still need to work on myself like constantly. It's a constant growth. And like I'm changing. Especially in college. You're changing all the time, so. And also like expecting to meet someone in the first two weeks of college and stay with them and it'd be like sustainable is not, I feel like typically realistic because you change so much. Like, I'm completely different.

24:27
Kieran
I'm completely different from who I was in August.

24:29
Julia
Yeah.

24:29
Kieran
I mean, I've seen these TikToks that it's just. It's supposed to be funny. Like POV. Like you're watching your freshman friend get into that one August relationship that's not going to last more than like seven seconds.

24:38
Julia
Yeah.

24:39
Kieran
I'm like, that is. This is true.

24:41
Julia
We've been there. I like, I don't know. I feel like there's. You know how they say there's like that one situationship when you're 19 that like changes like ruins you.

24:52
Kieran
I'm waiting for mine, by the way.

24:53
Julia
Oh, I've had a few.

24:55
Kieran
A few.

24:57
Julia
I don't know which one would count as the one. But I like, I think also the existence of the term situationship. Come on now, sister. What's going on?

25:06
Kieran
People have taken that and ran with it.

25:09
Julia
It's like people take it as permission to never commit and that's not how it works.

25:14
Kieran
I hate that. I hate that. I hate that.

25:15
Julia
I hate that.

25:17
Kieran
Ooh, tune.

25:18
Julia
Wait, did I eat that?

25:19
Kieran
Wait, should you start singing?

25:21
Julia
I think so.

25:23
Kieran
Oh, my gosh.

25:24
Julia
Situationships suck.

25:26
Kieran
Can you imagine? We sang this whole podcast. Welcome back to that's what they Said.

25:31
Julia
We would lose all our followers on Instagram and nobody would listen to the podcast. Yeah.

25:38
Kieran
50Th episode.

25:40
Julia
If we make it. If we make it to 50.

25:42
Kieran
If. When?

25:43
Julia
No, no, we're going to make it. I'm. I'm feeling passionate about this.

25:45
Kieran
Excuse you.

25:47
Julia
Okay. I had something to say. I was thinking situationships.

25:52
Kieran
It's hard out here, people committing it to.

25:54
Julia
I was going to say in. In like the discussion of like, oh, there are people that are like dating more like so many people when they get. Well, not even dating. You're just seeing multiple people. And then there are people that have been dating the same person. Well, they're. It's important, I think again, as adults dating, to think about, am I dating for marriage or am I dating in college for fun? Or if I'm like, you can be dating for a long term relationship and not be dating for marriage. But like, yeah, I think scary as it is, that's something that you kind of have to disclose, like earlier on, because everybody has their own, like, way of going about things, I think.

26:39
Julia
I think, like, as you get further along in college, like, as you get older, like, you know, junior, senior, whatever, graduate student, it's. You're kind of leaning more towards the, like, I'm going for long term. Like, I, like, maybe I'm not gonna marry this person that I meet, but like, I do want to get married someday. And like, maybe it'd be cool if I met my soulmate right now. Like, that'd be like a cute story to like, tell, you know?

27:00
Kieran
Yeah, I've always, like, I've always kind of been one to be like, not like date for marriage, but like, date for long term.

27:05
Julia
Right.

27:06
Kieran
I. I'm very much someone that, like, when I commit to something, I'm all in. And I think I've definitely, like, transcribed that into my friendships. And yeah, since I'm not dating anyone, I take all of that love and affection and like, whatever you want to call it, and I put it into other people. And so like, for my friend's birthday, I made sure. To, like, get cupcakes and candles and, like, Right. We invited all of their friends over and, like, you know, I, I always make sure I get gifts for people that, like, mean something. And I always write a card and, like, you know, like, I am always willing to go 100%. And I forgot the rest of my.

27:42
Julia
Point, but I like that. That is such a gift.

27:45
Kieran
Oh, yeah, sorry. Commitment. Like, you know, like, I love to commit to everything and, like, just because I can't, you know, like, I'm not committing to, like, I, I lost my point again.

27:56
Julia
Oh, wait, I can pick up on the commitment. Please do.

27:58
Kieran
Go ahead.

27:58
Julia
I think commitment is a word that so many people are scared of.

28:02
Kieran
Yeah.

28:02
Julia
Including myself. I did not think that I was. And I used to get annoyed when nobody, like, not nobody. When people that I was dating could. Not a single person could never commit when, like, the people that I was dating. You get comfy over there.

28:17
Kieran
I was. I gotta readjust. My back hurts.

28:20
Julia
Yeah. Yeah. I was telling Kieran we need, like, recliners in here. Yeah. Okay. Scared of commitment. I, I think it is, I think, scary because of, like, what people think it means. Maybe. I don't know if that's, like, a generational thing or we're just miscommunicating because, like, in my mind, here's some definitions of terms in my mind.

28:47
Kieran
Okay. Okay, I'm ready.

28:48
Julia
We're talking to someone. Talking to someone means, like, in, like, a relationship sense is like, oh, like, if, like, we met in real life or like, we're on the apps. Okay, whatever. We're texting. Or like, there's, like, banter over text or flirting. Maybe we talked on the phone a couple times. Like, maybe instant stream of, like, communication. We're in communication. Like, maybe, like, oh, like, you, like you, like, swipe all my stories sometimes. And then it's like a thing. Like, I'm like, I, I, like, text you every few days because I, like, you just happen to be on my mind because we're just talking, but it's, like, with the intent of seeing if we have enough, like, chemistry over, like, that form of communication to, like, meet in person, like, go on a date. Okay.

29:27
Julia
Dating is, I feel like you've gone on a couple dates. Dating is not equal to boyfriend girlfriend. Okay.

29:35
Kieran
Oh, okay.

29:37
Julia
I think, I think once you are boyfriend girlfriend, you can call it dating, but, like, oh, and also, by the way, I'm sorry for using gender terms on that one, because I, I, I'm sorry. Because that is not reflective of who I am.

29:50
Kieran
And who are you?

29:52
Julia
Well, I'll be keeping that to myself. But, like, if you're dating someone and you're like, you have specifically said, like, this is like a.

30:01
Kieran
Like, put a label on it.

30:02
Julia
Put a label on it. Put a label. Yeah. So if the labels were girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, whatever, you know, extra partner. Okay, so dating is like, you got on a few dates or, like, you can be dating. I feel acceptably, in my mind, we can be dating for like a month and a half before I'm going to be a little pissy if we don't put a label on it.

30:24
Kieran
Yeah.

30:25
Julia
Okay. And so then you put a label on it, or sometimes there's like a little thing in between where you're like, just exclusive, but there's no label on it, which I do not get. Because that, to me, exclusivity is like, the whole point of putting a label on it. Yeah. Okay, so we're exclusive. We're not seeing other people. So we've moved through the talking, the dating. We're exclusive. Then we put a label on it. You're my significant other. Like, you are my partner. Okay. That means we're so exclusive. We're not seeing anybody else. Okay. We're not texting anybody else. We're not. We've been off the apps in my mind. We've been off the app since we started, like, officially dating. But that's just me. And so after that, it's smooth sailing. It should be smooth sailing after that. Right?

31:05
Julia
But I feel like people have different understandings of what each of those terms mean. And also it, like, changes generation to generation, obviously hoping we're all dating in the same generation that we are part of. But, hey, teach their own never floats your boat, right? Age is just a number, I guess. But, like, sometimes I feel like one of those people that's like, can we just go back to the good old days? Like, can you just. Can you just ask me on a date? And. And we go on a few dates and you're like, oh, I really like you. I want to be your partner. And then you are.

31:40
Kieran
I've never been asked on a date before.

31:42
Julia
And. And every time you say that, it just. I forget. And it brings me back to reality. And here's what I'm saying. We gotta get you out there, sister.

31:52
Kieran
I know.

31:52
Julia
We gotta get you out there.

31:53
Kieran
And it's interesting for me, too, because it's like my whole thing that I kind of, like, realized Is that, like, I'm a big fan of the long game in the sense of. In the sense that I. I'm very much someone who is more of like a. A friends to lover situation. Like, I have a hard time. Like, I've like, I said, never been on a date before. Like, I've never been asked on a date. I've never liked whatever I. Any relationship that I've ever been in has been like, I was friends with him first. Later, like, we met, were friends for a while and then we like just. It just slowly evolved into something. And then eventually there was a term put on it, but there was never like a. I was never asked. Like, I've never been asked to be someone's girlfriend before.

32:35
Kieran
I've actually asked every single time. So, like, women power. Okay. I was just like, are we like. Well, you.

32:42
Julia
What are we doing?

32:43
Kieran
Like, will you be my partner? Will you be my boyfriend? Or like, whatever it is. Like, it's just. It's been weird. Like, it's been different.

32:50
Julia
It's like. It's like you're like, you're kind of steering.

32:54
Kieran
Yeah.

32:55
Julia
And sometimes you want somebody else to steer. Like, show that they want. Yeah, they want. They want the chance to steer at least.

33:01
Kieran
It's just. It's weird because it's like I've never experienced the different phases of it.

33:06
Julia
Yeah.

33:06
Kieran
And so, like, I have my own definition of what I. I think it means.

33:09
Julia
But I'll.

33:09
Kieran
I'll. I'll never be able to solidify that until I experience it, you know?

33:12
Julia
Right. And like, that's something. Everybody has a different perspective on that. Because I, like, have had several situations where things move faster than in my mind. Like, then feels comfortable for me. You know what I'm saying? Like. Like a talking stage can last however long you want it. For me, shorter is better. Like, I'm not. I don't get to know you by texting you. Like, I need you to. Like, I need to, like, know you. Right. And to do that we gotta ch. Like, let me chat. Let's. Let's do something. Let's grab a coffee. Like, let's. Let's. We should do a little coffee. We need to go to Jabala soon.

33:49
Kieran
Oh, we do.

33:51
Julia
We should. Anyway, sometimes people move faster than is comfortable for you and you get yourself in a sticky situation and you don't. Like, you can like someone but not be comfortable with how fast things are moving. And I think it's important to communicate that and not be like, I don't want to make them feel bad. Because boundaries are so important. Yes. And that is another, once again, part of being an adult and trying to date. It is so important to know before you even try to date where your own boundaries are. Because it like, it's not like people, some people aren't trying to cross your boundaries. They just like, are different. They're different people than you. And that is perfectly wonderful. Like, that is once again, sound like my mother. That is okay. And that is great and should be celebrated. We're all different.

34:43
Julia
Slay opposites, attract, whatever. But like, boundaries are so important. Like I. I feel like I have kind of an interesting personality. I'm an introvert. But obviously I like to talk. I like to talk to everyone. I'm. I'm like, I feel like out and about. I give extrovert. But at the end of the day, I'm in my bed by 9pm it's time to be quiet and go to sleep. So my like time during the day therefore is limited because I need to be alone. Yeah. But like, some people get their energy from like hanging out with other people or like spending time with their significant other. I don't know that's me. Maybe I haven't met the right person. That like, fuels me in that way because, like my friends do.

35:24
Kieran
Yeah.

35:24
Julia
Like if I was just at your apartment sitting on the floor and were silent, that would fuel me.

35:28
Kieran
That would feel me as well.

35:29
Julia
But like, I think maybe it's like, because I feel some sort of pressure when I'm with somebody that I'm dating and I'm hanging out with them. I'm like, oh, I need to entertain them. Oh, I need to make sure, like there.

35:37
Kieran
Yeah.

35:38
Julia
Because they kind of make you feel like you do. Like, I don't know, like, I feel like when I'm with them, I need to be present. Yeah. But sometimes I just gotta sit. Just let me sit.

35:48
Kieran
And that's why again, kind of fall back to like the friends thing is like when you are friends with someone first, like, it's not like the dates.

35:55
Julia
It's like the just hanging out.

35:57
Kieran
General evolving is you have that level of comfortability because you've been doing it for so long.

36:02
Julia
Yeah.

36:03
Kieran
My like extroverts. Extrovert journey has been a little bit all over the place in my life. But I think at the point that I'm at now, it's. I'm definitely an extrovert, but I also need my time to read. Like, I have a social battery for sure.

36:15
Julia
Yeah.

36:15
Kieran
But like, I Cannot go a day without seeing somebody I know or talking to someone. Like, when people, like, one of my. One of the things in my life that, like, boosts my, like, joy. Like, that just makes me one of the happiest, like, feelings I have is when someone texts me, like, to talk to me.

36:32
Julia
Yeah.

36:32
Kieran
Because it's a genuine act of. I thought of you and I wanted to tell you specifically something.

36:37
Julia
Yeah. Like, random.

36:38
Kieran
Even if it's a question, if it's a comment, if it's a concern, it's a rant, it's a random photo they saw, it's a cat on the street.

36:45
Julia
It's like.

36:45
Kieran
Like, anytime. Like, it just. It makes me feel so connected with someone and, like. And I think it's the same thing. It's like, when I'm with my. Like, if I'm with someone, like, in a romantic way, like, I should be able to sit there and just, like, not say anything. And we feel connected and we feel good.

37:03
Julia
Like, you know, I love that. I. I do. I do recognize very much the value in a, like, friends to lovers situation. I. The problem I have is sometimes I have a hard time finding the line between platonic and. I don't know how to transition from, like, I'm good friends with you, but there's a vibe here that I would love to explore. Like, like, I told you, not naming names, but recently come into the experience of. There's. There's someone that I'm becoming friends with that I really like, and I. Maybe I'd be interested in, like, seeing if it could be, like, a romantic thing. But then you have to think about, like, what would happen if this actually, like, became a thing. Because we occupy similar spaces. Like, we're friends with similar people.

37:50
Julia
Like, if this, like, didn't work out, I am confident in my ability to be an adult. But sometimes that's not the same for everyone else, and that's okay. Like, some people handle things in different ways. It's fine. But, like, that's something that you got to think about. So, like, I have a hard time. I think I'm scared of transitioning from a friendship to a relationship because of the implication it could have if it goes badly.

38:11
Kieran
Yeah, it's hard because, like, I think that's also partly why, like, I've usually kind of led the conversation is. Yeah, I like to think that I'm somewhat good at reading people.

38:19
Julia
Okay.

38:20
Kieran
And. Or, like, their signals and whatever. And so usually I'll get to a point where I'm, like, confident enough that I'm like, all right, you know what?

38:28
Julia
Yolo.

38:29
Kieran
Like, whatever happens. What happens? And it worked out for me a few times, I guess. But, like, you know, like, it's. It's definitely hard and you, like, really have to, like, look into. I think it's worth it. So much more. Like, I genuinely think it's much more in my, like, in my opinion, for me. Like. But then again, I've also never experienced the other side of it, so.

38:50
Julia
Right.

38:50
Kieran
Once I do that, maybe I'll have a different opinion.

38:52
Julia
Well, that's what we approach this from. Like. Well, I don't even know if we're approaching it from different ways, but, like, our experiences are just different because.

38:59
Kieran
Different angles.

38:59
Julia
Like, like, because you. Most of, like, the things that you have, like, the relationships that you've had are like, oh, friends to lovers, whatever. Fantastic trope. Mine is. Like, I. I search for it, I find it, and I make it happen. Like, I. I tend to flirt with people all the time. I think I just have a flirty personality.

39:21
Kieran
Yeah.

39:21
Julia
And I just. And I think also people misread what I'm doing. I think I'm. Hey, sorry to not be humble, but I think I'm good at making people feel seen and heard.

39:32
Kieran
I would agree.

39:33
Julia
And sometimes people misread that as, oh, I'm flirting with you.

39:36
Kieran
Yeah.

39:36
Julia
Which, hey, I've been there, sister. Let me tell you. Okay. Okay. We've all been there. We have all been there, and that is okay. And I. I can recognize that about myself. I think it's important that other people recognize that about themselves. But so I think I tend to be a pretty flirty person, so that kind of gets me into some sort of, like, situations where I'm like, oh, like, this could be a thing. Like, let's try it out.

39:59
Kieran
Yeah.

40:00
Julia
And then also, as I said, I was on the apps, which is Woo Lord a scary place. It is. That is a different world. That is genuinely a whole nother episode. We will be. Maybe we should do a little experiment, get you on the app sometime and see what it's like, and you can give your review.

40:16
Kieran
Maybe.

40:18
Julia
But we don't have to do that. We've talked about that timeline. It's okay. Yeah. So we. We approach this from different ways. I, like, I. I have genuinely, if, like, no fear of making a move on someone if we're not, like, close friends. Like I said, I. I'm me as well. Right. I'm, like, terrified of, like. Like that guy I was saying about. I'm like, we're like, friends. And I'm terrified of making a move with something like that. But, like, if we're like, oh, like, I go to a lot of dancing things, right? And I meet people at these dancing things and like, oh, like, we're dancing, we have, like, a chemistry. I've got no fear, no hesitation at all.

40:57
Kieran
Literally nothing to lose.

40:58
Julia
Yeah. And like, even if I'm like, I'll see you again, I got no fear. I'm, like, still going to do whatever. I'm still going to. I, like, have no fear of, like, if I, like, somebody on Instagram follows me and I'm like, oh, like, we have mutual friends. Like, they're cute. Like, whatever. I have no problem swiping up on a story and be like, you're really cute. Or like, you know what? Like, I don't know. Just. I don't know why I do that. I don't know what has come into me. But, like, I, like, suddenly I'm confident. Whoa. Who would have thought?

41:28
Kieran
I kind of do the same thing. My basic, is my biggest example of this is I told you this the other day. I have written my number on receipts at restaurants.

41:39
Julia
I love this.

41:40
Kieran
Multiple times, at least 10 times. Let me tell you how many times it's worked out for me.

41:45
Julia
Zero. But hey, you tried.

41:47
Kieran
I have done it multiple. I've written my number on my friend's receipts. I've written my number on my own. I've written my friends numbers on their receipts. Like, that is my basic example. If you have literally nothing to lose. And let me tell you something is I've done that at restaurants that I've gone to frequently and have been served by the same waiter later. And I don't even care. Like, I. Yes, I doubt they remember that. It was like, me specifically, more of just like, oh, some person put their number. Never once have I ever gotten a text from it. Never once has it actually worked in my favor.

42:19
Julia
But, like, that's okay.

42:20
Kieran
I've written my number on at least, like, at least 10 different receipts.

42:25
Julia
I've never tried that move. I'm trying to think of, like, what my go to move is. What have you. I, I've like, as I said, I do a lot of dancing things and when I go to things that if I'm like, dancing with somebody, I'm like, oh, like, there's like a vibe here. I like, crank up the eye contact. Like, there's a picture that I posted on my Instagram like, a while ago. Not a while. It was like, over the summer. Of, like, it was a professional picture taken of me. Like, I was at this, like, dance weekend thing, but I am, like, staring into the soul of this person that I'm dancing with. And, like, you can clearly see it. Like, I'm, like, clocked. In. Which, hey, I had no intention of talking to him ever again.

43:06
Julia
But, like, it's just, like, something that, like, I don't know why I, like, didn't realize I was doing it, but I think I, like, I do that. Like. Yeah, it's just. It just becomes, like, just part of, like, your move. My. It's just my move. Like, my strat. Like, I'm on the grind. Okay? Like, I've been. I say this all the time, but I've been sifting through the. I don't know, the fish in the sea to find a fish that I would like to spend time with. And let me tell you, this fish is swimming away because I cannot find them.

43:35
Kieran
You have got some ripped fins, bro.

43:37
Julia
That's what I'm saying. I'm. I'm giving sea cucumber, and my fish is giving, like, I don't even know, flying fish or something because they are zipping away. I don't know where they are. But another thing that I just was thinking about when you're, like, when you get to college and you're like, starting today, is, like. Is like, oh, my parents aren't here. I live, like, not alone. Like, you probably have a roommate if you're, like, a freshman. But, like, I live without the, like, direct guidance. The direct guidance. The, like, oh, somebody needs to know where I am. Like, unless your parent has you on Life360, which, hey, my parents do. But I really. I. They're. Well, I. Not about. My parents are cool, but, like, I don't know. I don't. They don't really look at it, but, like, so then you get the.

44:23
Julia
The, like, idea of, like, I can do whatever I want. Like, I can go out whenever I want. I can, like, go meet up with, like, people I've never met. I can, like, sleep over people's houses because, like, nobody cares. But, like, hey, come to find out, your parents have those rules for a reason, right? Hey, come to find out, it's.

44:39
Kieran
They may have been onto something, Right?

44:41
Julia
Maybe it's not smart to spend the night with someone you just met that day.

44:46
Kieran
Yeah, I have never done that, and I think I'm going to keep it that way.

44:49
Julia
And because my parents listen to this podcast, I will not be disclosing if I've Done that or I have not. You played the fifth. I plead the fifth. And I do. But I'm here to share my wisdom that, hey, parents sometimes have those rules for a reason. A lot of the times they can be wrong. But I would say in this case, if they're like, don't go out with a stranger you've never met and not tell somebody where you are and lie about where you are, hey, maybe they're onto something.

45:20
Kieran
Well, me and my roommates have, like, a whole thing. Like, every time.

45:22
Julia
Yes, my roommates go out. We.

45:25
Kieran
They'll share the location with me. And then there's always. This is what we're planning to do. You need to check in with me at this time. If I'm not back, if you don't hear from me by this time, this is when you need to come, like, look for me. Like, it's a whole thing. Never once have we ever even had to check in on each other because we've always come back before, like, the check in time. But we always have a system in place. Like, it's. It's so important that you do that.

45:50
Julia
I. I need to do that because I do date a lot and I don't have a roommate. So, like, really, there's nobody that I'm coming home to. Like, I live by myself. So I really need to, like, look into that because that's, like, safe.

46:05
Kieran
One time I had a friend, I had to pretend that I was, like, having a breakdown to get them.

46:10
Julia
Oh, my God, man.

46:11
Kieran
They're like, I need you to like, whatever. And I like, I put on the whole show. Like, I. Yeah, I just heard, like, wailing into the phone, like, crying about. I don't even remember what it was, but it was like, to get them out of a thing.

46:21
Julia
Well, I like similar story. Not kind of, but like, Frank went out on a day the other day, got update you on the whole situation. It's turned out well, but I was like, it was some guy he had never met before, and I was like, you, like, I expect you to go to the bathroom.

46:38
Kieran
Yeah.

46:38
Julia
At least like 30, 45 minutes after you get to wherever you're going, they're going to grab drinks or something and I expect you to text me and tell me how it's going. Is it going okay? What. What's the plan? Where are we ending up? Are you like, Are you drinking? Are you driving? Like, what's the. Because I need. I need to know you're okay because you've never met this man in your life. Like, I feel like also dating. When you're dating as, like, I'm not trying to speak for anyone, but, like, as a queer person, it's even scarier. Especially, I feel like maybe for a man, going on a date with a man, it can be scary. Of, like, is this. Is this person safe? Like, are they. Do they actually.

47:18
Julia
You know, which is kind of a really scary topic that I kind of don't really want to get into because that's like, a whole thing.

47:23
Kieran
I'm also not a man who would go on a date with a man, so.

47:25
Julia
Right. I can't speak on that. I'm just, like, watching my best friend have to, like, think about things. I feel like. But also, as women, we have to think, like, oh, well, obviously, like, I'm always on. Like, my head is on a swivel. Like, I'm never. I've never relaxed. Like, at night, never relax.

47:40
Kieran
I walk with my keys, my hands.

47:41
Julia
Oh, yeah, yeah. But like, I'm like, oh, no, that. That's like another thing. Why am I parking so far away from my dorm if I have to hoof it every night in the dark? Like, I. Like, tonight I have to drive you back to your dorm and then come back and park and then walk to my dorm and it's like, oh, are.

47:55
Kieran
You parked in the west alone?

47:57
Julia
No, I'm actually parked in the fountain lot tonight, so I know fire. We don't have to walk up this big hill. Okay, one more thing that I'd like to talk about. We're kind of getting close to time, but the last thing I have to.

48:09
Kieran
Talk about, the state fair.

48:11
Julia
We'll do that a later episode. Okay. Is the hot girl summer to cuffing season transition. I. Like I said I mentioned earlier in this episode, I had a hot girl summer, which in my mind is just. I, like, dated multiple people during the summer. Not at the same time.

48:25
Kieran
Lord your options.

48:26
Julia
Well, mostly not at the same time. And it was like, not like I wasn't ever committed to anyone, so it's fine. But, like, yeah, I explored my options. I was like. I was like, not looking for long term because I was like, oh, I'm. I was home in Wilmington for the summer and I was like, I'm going to go back to school in Raleigh. And I like, I can't do long distance. I can't.

48:44
Kieran
Yeah, I really can't either.

48:45
Julia
I. But recently I'm thinking maybe I could for certain, like, a certain person, if they, like, if they could prove to me that, like, it was like, worth it and it was going to be fine. But that's like, hard to prove to me. I like, have trusted she's, I guess. But anyway, right. Random how that happened anyway, the transition, like coming like back to school from hot girl Summer. I like, I kind of, I don't know, I was dating someone like right at the end of the summer and then like kind of fizzled out when I got to school because I was like, oh, you're in Wilmington. I'm in Raleigh. You know, like, when I'm home, I'll see you. I guess. I don't know. Yeah, but then like, and then I was dating people at school, whatever.

49:24
Julia
But like now I'm like, oh, it's cuffing season. Like, let's do a little long term here, sister. Like, where is the one? Where is my fish? Yeah, where is my goldfish? And like, so. But now I'm like, I'm having a hard time coming back to long term reality. When I've been like dating multiple people. I'm like, what if, like, what if I like, just don't have the capability to like, be in a long term relationship? Like, what if I can't love anyone? Like, what, like, what if I'm the problem? Like, but actually just come to find out I just. The people that I've been dating just don't align with who I am. That's what I was talking to you the other day. I think I was talking to somebody about how I dated a lot of people that have a lot of different religions.

50:09
Julia
Like, here's some religions that I've come across recently. Catholic, agnostic, atheist, Jewish, Hindu. I think that's what we're working with at the moment. And I'm Christian and so I don't know why I thought success would come from going after people that are that, like, that their foundational beliefs are that different from mine.

50:34
Kieran
Right.

50:34
Julia
Like, like, I don't know, like if we completely believe in different, like divine beings and maybe we aren't compatible and that's okay.

50:44
Kieran
Crazy how that works.

50:45
Julia
Crazy how that works. I don't know. It's just like something that I've been starting to think about. Another thing to think about as an adult.

50:52
Kieran
So.

50:52
Julia
Great. Well, that was uplifting.

50:56
Kieran
Are we coming to time?

50:58
Julia
We have been talking for 50 minutes and 55 seconds.

51:00
Kieran
Oh, wow. Okay, so here is my final thoughts on cuffing season before we need to part. I think cuffing season can be great. And I think cuffing season can be a time to where you can Cherish someone that you're with and do all of the fun activities that come within the months of, like, October to December.

51:20
Julia
Snaps. To. That.

51:21
Kieran
However, you can do all of those things with your friends.

51:24
Julia
Snaps.

51:24
Kieran
You can do all of those things with yourself. You can sit by yourself at a fire with apple cider and a donut and carve a pumpkin and put it.

51:32
Julia
On your apartment doors, and it's a great time.

51:34
Kieran
And you can do that yourself. You can do it with your friends. You can do it with your family. You can do it with your brother. You can do it, you know, like, with your dog. It doesn't matter. But you can also do it with a partner. And I think the biggest piece of advice as I have is to realize that, like. Like I was saying, like, if it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. And just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't.

51:55
Julia
Spitting bars.

51:56
Kieran
I'm actually a poet.

51:57
Julia
No. And you are. I think my way of summing that up is everybody's on a different timeline.

52:03
Kieran
Yeah.

52:03
Julia
Okay. And also, everybody's on a different journey. Like, some people might meet the one in, like, two days, and that's good for them, but that doesn't have to be you.

52:12
Kieran
Yeah.

52:12
Julia
And also, it's okay to, like, go on a dating journey. Like, the point of dating is to meet different people to see if you, like, are compatible. And it's okay to go on dates with someone and not be compatible with them and end it in a respectful, adult, mature way.

52:26
Kieran
Exactly. Communication is key.

52:29
Julia
Communication is key. And be mature.

52:31
Kieran
Whoever decided that was right, you know, they.

52:32
Julia
With that. I love that person, whoever that was.

52:35
Kieran
You know what else I love?

52:36
Julia
What?

52:37
Kieran
Following us on our Instagram. You are so right at twts. P O D. P O D. That is TWTS pod, where you can follow also our individual Instagram accounts in the bio of our podcast. Instagram.

52:55
Julia
It's true. And you want to know why we're here?

52:58
Kieran
Why are we here?

52:59
Julia
We're here to tell you the truth.

53:01
Kieran
Because they don't always get it right.

53:02
Julia
Bye, guys. We love you. Bye.
Episode 3 The Current State of Cuffing Season_mixd...
Meeting created at: 15th Oct, 2025 - 9:10 AM


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